


With Hilarious Consequences

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 18:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3143606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's never a High Priest around when you need one. Fortunately, Peri can think of a suitable substitute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Hilarious Consequences

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maggadin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maggadin/gifts).



> I'm sure I read a comment by Nicola Bryant (though now I can't trace it) that Peri's married life with Yrcanos would either have rapidly ended in divorce, or resembled a sitcom. 
> 
> This is the one that doesn't end in divorce.

"OK," Peri said. "Everyone keep calm. We can still fix this." 

"Can we, indeed?" Yrcanos asked. "The Lannai ambassadors are already on their way. If they are not greeted by the Archimandrite the insult will be unforgivable!" He turned to a pale, scared-looking aide. "What news of the Archimandrite?" 

"He remains incapacitated, my liege," the young man stammered. 

"Hardly surprising, given the amount of your Majesties' wine he consumed," Chancellor Kerion said drily. 

"And there you have it!" Yrcanos brought his fist down on the table. "He cannot greet the ambassadors. The pact will collapse!" 

"Maybe not," Peri said. "These ambassadors don't know what the Archimandrite looks like, do they?" 

The Chancellor gave her a sharp look. "No." 

"So all we need is someone to dress up in his robes and say the right words." 

"The proper words and gestures are known only to few." Yrcanos scratched his beard thoughtfully. "I know them, as does Kerion, but the ambassadors would recognise either of us. No, this plan cannot work." 

Peri took a deep breath. "I know the words. More or less, anyway. And the ambassadors don't know me." 

"You?" The Chancellor shook his head firmly. "Women cannot be priests, let alone high priests." 

"But the ambassadors don't know that either. Do they?" 

Yrcanos nodded sagely. "This is true. Welfric! We require a set of Archimandrite's robes. Let them be brought here. And a seamstress. Go, now!" 

The aide hurried off. 

"A thought strikes me, your Majesties," Kerion said. "If the Queen is to pose as the Archimandrite, she must surely take that role for the entire length of the ambassadors' visit. But they will doubtless expect to meet his Majesty's new consort, too. How is this to be contrived?" 

"I thought maybe I could make an excuse," Peri suggested. "Say I was nipping round to the temple or something? And then change into my queen stuff?" 

Yrcanos and Kerion both solemnly shook their heads. 

"OK." Peri took a deep breath. "So we need someone to pretend to be me while I'm pretending to be the Archimandrite." She snapped her fingers. "Tell you what. My maid — Darisa. Bet you she could do it." 

"Let this Darisa be brought here!" Yrcanos shouted. "On the instant!" 

Less than a minute later, Peri's maid was nervously curtseying before the Royal Council. Hastily, Peri explained what was required of her. 

"So you see," she concluded, "we need someone to pretend to be me while the ambassadors are here. Do you think you can do it?" 

Darisa bobbed nervously. "I could try, ma'am." 

"Then show us!" Yrcanos exclaimed. "Behave as the Queen would." 

Darisa bobbed again, then allowed her posture to slouch and her eyelids to droop. 

"You mean I gotta talk to all those generals?" she asked, in a vague approximation to an American accent. "All night? That's, like, grody to the max. Remember to tell those guys in the kitchen to send up more of those ershai berries, they're totally moreish. Hey, is that the time? Quick, where's my purple robe with the zigzaggy bits? I gotta be at the Moon Chamber in like five minutes. Gag me with a spoon!" 

Yrcanos and Kerion broke into spontaneous applause. 

"Excellent!" Yrcanos declared. "If I closed my eyes, I could not tell you apart from my wife." 

Peri glared at him through narrowed eyes. "Someone's gonna be sleeping on the couch tonight," she muttered.


End file.
